The reality of the bush fires in Victoria descended upon Melbourne with a hazy vengeance yest yesterday, remaining today and most likely for the rest of the week, making us look like Beijing on a good day! The smoke descending onto the city and surrounds from the outer city bushy areas, the smell of the burning wood a reminder that we are not safe entirely yet especially if the temperature hits 47.4c again like 'Black Saturday', (Sat 7th Feb, 09) The death toll is just awful. Minute silence.
A real time Google FIRE MAP of Melbourne and surrounds.
Enough of that, it really feels depressing here with all these fires still burning everywhere although none nowhere near my area thank God.
I also don't watch TV so I'm not confronted with these images every 5 seconds.
Let's hope we never experience an uncontained fire, ever.
So, anyway last night my main man ended up stayed over after an afternoon sms to me and helped me babysit my cousins 3 children. Fuck it was hard work looking after a 4 month old crying baby girl (but oh so cute!), a demanding 3 year old girl and an oft questioning 7 year old boy!
Thankfully it didn't go too bad at all except for a few crying and tantrum issues but kids seem to stop fairly quickly with me. I talk to them like adults and they stop misbehaving. It works for me, otherwise I wouldn't be here today...the asylum would've been needed!
I didn't get down to any action with the main man, we were both too tired although earlier I was secretly hoping for some. Amazingly I slept 6 hours last night and I attribute part of it to the exhausting task of sitting 3 children, and my main man staying in my bed the night.
I must examine this prospect more thoroughly, we really have some connection deeper than most although we argue fucken lots!
Being the drug addict I am, relationships disturb me as I don't like people knowing me so well but I want to live with this guy, I'll keep you informed! One proviso with him...
No more of this...
Well I soon won't be doing both and it's my own choice, he is helping me achieve this goal and likes me!
Only 3 more days of Suboxone...tomorrow and the next two after it and that's it...game over. Reality will rear it's ugly head and sneer at me, grinning its toxic sentiments of 'you can't hide no more'. My inner alarm bells are going off more and more, as is the demon voice urging me to reconsider. Demanding I reconsider and remain on Suboxone for life. This voice turns vicious against me, so I know it's not my true inner voice as I am a really easygoing 'mind my own business' guy.
No I'm not schizophrenic or anything (that I know of!) and don't 'hear' voices as such like said people, rather they are simply 'thought' voices, compared to my true inner voice. That's the best I can explain it!
I also feel I am finally expanding my relationships with my main man, family and friends as I individually apologize to anyone who had to witness me overdosing pills, or were hurt by my drug use, or if I had ever lied to them about drug use.
It's helping me be more honest with myself and my loved ones and they in turn are warming to me more. Humble pie.
Well I'm off to get something for Lunch, not getting hungry often, I must stave off the anorexia causing aspect of Suboxone in me for a few more hours with a bite of food, lest I wither like an old prune (or the lady across the road!) Ouch! :P
For now, Au Revoir