Oh the Humanity...

I'm starting to look very frazzled and sleep deprived...my once iridescent beauty is wilting like the bad witch from Oz in a shower. Not just that, this 27 year old has a big red zit on his cheek and feels like crying, oh my life is ruined for these last 5 days I take Suboxone...I am so sick of this battle. My bathroom cabinet stocked to the brim with Avon anti acne skincare range. It usually works great as I have been zit free since using it...until now!

No amount of foundation is gonna cover this fucker and I gotta go and get my breakfast, which is...Suboxone, McDonald's Sausage muffin (no icky egg) and a nice strong English Breakfast Tea from Gloria Jeans! I probably won't eat for the rest of the day except for when I'm squirmish and irritated in the arvo...god I wish I had Xanax to counter that!

I only have to take Suboxone for 5 more days, and fuck I'm gonna miss it. Yikes my heart is growing heavy, piss off I wanna feel good on my lonely valentines day, gotta fuck myself today as my valentine bailed on me by sms late last night. Good, I thought!

My pimple (although somewhat photo shop exaggerated!) and grim face in response to it...(yes this is actually me, 6 months ago)



The pain of it all!

Next Saturday I shall feel like this:




Man this gut ache is making me uneasy...ouch. Gotta get off my skinny white ass and get my brekky to alleviate it! Hmmm 10:19am...too late for Macca's muffin. Also my damn cars broken so I have to walk, oh the horror of it all.

Sitting here typing this random crap in my morning pre Suboxone, acne horror delirium dancing and listening to contralto goddess Amy Winehouse belt out a husky tune about going 'back to black', I have began what I call the 'insanity smiles'! These are strange urges to smile when I'm detoxing, anyone else ever get this during early withdrawal, before it gets bad? Bizarre!

...we only said goodbye with words...I died a hundred times...you go back to her and I go back to black...sings Amy, shown below. I just love her and would go straight for Amy!



Provided she stays off the crack and away from the bleach like below:



Oh fuck this I feel lousy, I gotta go get my stuff...I'll continue this later...

1.5 hours later and I'm back. Fulfilled in 3 ways, Opioids, Macca's and Caffeine oh and don't forget nicotine (in the form of gum as I quit cigarettes and smoking choof)...now all I need is some cock and I'm sweet! And oh my God am I furious at my doctor for calling my pharmacist and asking them to convince me this morning not to get the implant, as he claims it doesn't work.

However the 3 people I've met who are long term cured of Heroin addiction say otherwise. Fuck him, I'm the poor cunt who's opioid dependent, I'm the one who has to go thru this. My doctor can sleep assuredly each night that his natural endorphin production will continue and he gets to wake up feeling normal every morning. How long do I have to line his pockets with my addiction? He probably laughs about it each night as I toss (oh!) and turn each night!

I would feel like such a dumb cunt and a traitor to the cause if I didn't go and get this implant now. I have told EVERYONE and I ain't backing down so people can call me a 'typical junkie'.

Oh and about my liberal use of the word junkie: I call myself a junkie even though I have never touched Heroin or a syringe. I refer to anyone who is opioid dependent as a junkie, including myself. This way, I am so sensitized to the word junkie that if anyone calls me it I have no problems while some detest the name. I know I never stole to support my habit, I had a high paying job for that. Couldn't give a fuck what some bro or ho thinks anyway.

I feel like a session smoking bongs with ex president Bush Jr? Why you may ask?

Because George Bush does and he's my hero (please note I am using dark sarcasm when I say that he is my hero!)



Also around the net is a rumor that a certain new president uses cocaine and is homosexual, see this. Hell if Mr. Obama offered me cocaine and a blow job I wouldn't say no! He's hot for his age!

After all this rambling I should mention that I am using pics in an attempt to add a little more character into this blog, something to look at in between my drug addicted ramblings, if you will.

I feel so strange today, an inaugural moment in my life where I feel compelled to better myself in as many ways as I can. Last night I dreamed that I was clean from Suboxone and living and feeling completely normally. I felt so radiant and full of life compared to what I feel now on medications. Is my consciousness expanding? I hope so, especially before 2012.

Perhaps I am healing already from my dose drops. I only took 8mg yesterday. 11mg today at the pharmacy in front of the pharmacist as required to prove I take the pills. If a non opioid addict used Suboxone at 11mg, they would be sick for 2-3 days. Insomnia, throwing up, wanting to kill themselves it was so bad...and that was my brother on 1mg and several other people even on half a mg they get so sick. Not for the faint hearted!





I shall leave you with that thought and bid you all a great Valentines day :)

Pisceus Le Mat (Pisces the Fool.)