Sunday, February 15, 2009

A Past Rampant With Drug Use

My relationship with drugs began at the tender age of 14 years old, when I began to binge drink alcohol (Southern Comfort) and smoke marijuana with my cousin and his friends.

As I was one of those kids who were being bashed everyday at home by a hateful stepfather I welcomed the mood altering drugs with open arms, getting pissed or stoned began to be my escape from a heavily bruised and oft painful reality.

Going to school was no better...All I ever used to hear were the words: Faggot, poofter, homo, queer, ass fucker, gay...the list goes on and I was bullied relentlessly for my assumed homosexuality.

Fast forward to 18 years old and I now smoke marijuana daily and drink dangerously with pills thrown on top to amplify the effect. By this time my love of pills was developing swimmingly and I started using codeine irregularly and began to visit various doctors for pills. It was here I became a benzodiazepine addict, using: diazepam, oxazepam, alprazolam and temazepam. Mainly Alprazolam and Diazepam.

After several nasty incidents involving benzo's and alcohol, I said goodbye to my old friend ethanol and remained on Xanax. By age 21 and I have completely gone sober from Alcohol and turned full pelt onto marijuana and various types of pills. By this age I had experimented with methamphetamine, MDMA, LSD, cocaine, and 37 different prescription or over the counter pills. I was a bona fide pill junkie!

23 years old and I had an adult circumcision. Fucken ouch! This procedure was my downfall, it was here I fell in love with oxycodone and have never been opioid free since. Immediately I became addicted to opiates, thru the oxycodone, when I ran out I began using large amounts of codeine for my 'erection' pains! I gave up the benzo's at this time with the help of my drug nurse but I hid the codeine addiction from her, as I was too embarrased to admit I had already acquired a new and much more dangerous addiction. I kick myself for not addressing it then.

Fast foward 2 years and I am an utter mess and very sick on 1200mg's codeine per day, divided into 2 daily doses of 600mg. My weight has ballooned 26 kg's up to 85kg's and I AM FAT, well to me who is usually super slim at 59kg's I sure felt fat!

Occasionally swallowing benzo drugs for the hell of it and risking re addiction fucked my job up as I could barely string a sentence together when high, my boss cottoned on and I had to resign before I was fired to save my dignity. Suffering from high blood pressure, a heart murmur, anemia and vomiting daily I finally sought Suboxone, which immediately stabilized my life. I still tried to get high but it was half assed so I gave up.

Present day: No other drugs except for Suboxone, Lexapro, Caffeine and Nicotine. Marijuana was given up 6 months ago alongside cigarettes. Now only on nicotine gum. I still use Valium very sparingly and requested my doctor only give me small amounts at a time to avoid re addiction.

So that is the basics of my drug history. Of course there is so much more to tell.
I have all the time in the world to detail certain aspects of the past, which I will in due time!

I shall also post later in the day with my regular post when I feel alive as I promised myself to post daily updates. This is like a diary for me!


  1. WOW what a and moving tale........ I think you're inspiring me to be more forthcoming about the uglier events of my life on my normally upbeat blog......... It will probably shock my reader's pants off! haha

    Are you still of alcohol? And how old are you?:)

  2. I'm 27 (28 in 2 weeks).

    I'd love to hear about some of your earlier tales Tom!

    Nah I don't drink at all now. Only very very rarely do I taste someones drink, but no more than a sip.

  3. Wonderful blog & good post.Its really helpful for me, awaiting for more new post. Keep Blogging!
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