Life After Suboxone? A Nearing Reality...So Many Questions

The continuous headache I've had over the past 4 days since dropping to 11mg's of Suboxone (Bupe) is now acting as a constant reminder of what will soon be a very real reality...I will be free of physical opiate dependence. So damn soon I can taste it. Metaphorically, getting this Naltrexone Implant is like eating a chili; I get the implant, it hurts for awhile (intense heat), and after feeling lousy (prolonged burning), the endorphins get produced, and I end up feeling on top of the world! I cannot fail at this. The reality is dawning on me, an oppressive weight of realization attempting to spark fear, my demons whispering to me, urging me to "fuck the idea Naltrexone and being clean, it's so much easier remain on Bupe"...this is a thought that passes seemingly every 5 seconds in me, and it's not mine.

My true inner voice, the intuitive voice, is urging me to go clean NOW and not to prolong the pain by waiting, just "DO IT" is repeated as often as the former. And for the latter, I'm damn thankful as I follow it's advice and my life suddenly begins to have hope again. Still being on Lexapro may help with the depression, as I plan to remain on it for at least another 6 to 9 months, maybe longer.

My biggest question is, WHO will I be after Suboxone? My life revolves around this drug, completely. It is central to my thought processes, my decision making, my personality, how much I socialize, my mood and the list goes on. Some super ultra intensive therapy may need to be in order for me I reckon! I want my ability to lust returned, which by the way I had a glimpse of today when I saw a fine specimen at my local shopping plaza today, HOT! My body immediately reacted, my breath shortened, my heart sped up, my eyes flashed and I felt...well damn horny and folks this is not usual for me, as Lexapro and Suboxone are combination libido inhibitors in my case! This something for me to look forward to, and a definite determination booster!

Don't get me wrong, I still work 'down there', unfortunately on the medication it can take quite awhile, the long time I have learnt to thoroughly enjoy! I welcome these changes with open arms, alongside the other abilities such as expressional love, and to closely bond with other humans fully, will be returned. I wonder if I'll spontaneously orgasm again? :o It used to happen to me in the past when withdrawing as I'd strangely become super sensitive and ultra horny. As to whether it will happen again or not, we'll see, and I'll be sure to update you on that! :P

Years ago I used to be shy and somehow I don't remember when I stopped that coy behavior. Was it after Lexapro or some other antidepressant I took? Did I just grow out of it or will it return when I come off Suboxone? IS it Suboxone or other opioids and opiates in general? Maybe I'm one of those people who can never feel normal after opiate addiction? Questions. Questions...

Life after Suboxone. I should write a book about my withdrawal and how I got through it after this whole detox and Implant is done. What do you reckon? Like anyone even reads this yet...If you do, please send me some love, a comment will do!

Love and Light