So my mother has finally jumped on my addiction bandwagon last night, which is my treatment with the Naltrexone Implant next week by Dr. O'Neil. It's my birthday in less than a month, and last night whilst essentially forcing my mother to listen to the realities of my opiate addiction, she surprisingly offered to pay for my flights from Melbourne to Perth and return, as a birthday present! Thanks mum, you've just helped in saving my life. It means the world to me. Thanks too to the lovely guys who posted comments, you rock and I truly appreciate the comments.
So I am set, it is definite, and I shall be non opiate dependent so very soon. I now have the finances in my hand, and all the means to achieve this plan. I really don't look forward to the withdrawal though, but I need to feel it to appreciate the challenge and feel like I accomplished something many don't or won't ever do.
After the withdrawal, post-withdrawal, depression and apathy subside, I shall be very close to a 'normal' functioning human again. Although I have to learn new skills to cope without Suboxone, which is still very much central to my life. That's where I am going to see Australia's best addiction doctor, recommended by Dr. O'Neil in Perth, and that is Dr. Steve Curry in Melbourne.
Last night I got a little more sleep than the past few nights but it was still difficult to fall asleep due to not being able to stop moving my legs during the night, and the annoying sense of dis-ease that withdrawal symptoms present to the agonizing non-endomorphism affected brain as it attempts to repair itself of the damage done. I wish I could get Ibogaine treatment, it sounds awesome and seems to really work in interrupting opiate and other drug addictions in combination with being a strong psychedelic. However Ibogaine is illegal in Australia (what isnt?) and I'd have to travel to some other country to do it.
For some reason I am feeling in a particularly bright today, that is something hopeful! I must hang on to every thread of hope in this next week and beyond. Support and encouragement are vital and my support network is growing daily as my friends and family hear about my detox plans. So far I've had no negative comments from anyone except from my mother, but even now she is changing as she comprehends the seriousness of this situation. Her two eldest sons are substance abusers, the reality is hitting her I can see it. We grew up in a very violent household thanks to a child bashing step father. I will tell that story one day very soon.
That's all for now as I listen and head bang to Slayer...ouch better not, I have a rather tender headache!
ANGEL OF DEATH!!!!
Showing posts with label Dr O'Neil. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Dr O'Neil. Show all posts
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Insomnia and Withdrawal
The past two nights I really am getting a tiny glimpse into what is soon to be a dark and very lonely 8 hours attached to my day. Last night yet again I lay restless and awake, the urge to continually move my limbs too strong to resist. Well they move themselves actually! See, my legs have developed life on their own, scaring the fuck out of me in the process due to the jolting nature of night leg kicks and restless leg! I am yet to go and collect today's dose of Suboxone and the pharmacy opens in 10 minutes but I am feeling so lethargic but I will go, of course I will, it could be my last day on Suboxone, ever. That very thought overwhelms me. I will then make the relevant calls, say 'its time' and book a flight to Perth and say goodbye to Suboxone, for good!
The realization of the implications of jumping from 11 mg's to 0mg's of bupe, then straight onto Naltrexone Implant, for a speedier withdrawal is dawning on me. Man it's gone fucken hurt and I am comprehending it, remembering the days of yore when I felt withdrawal pains every day. I haven't felt hard withdrawal since I went on Suboxone and I am slowly remembering the nights of agony and insomnia and wishing to die. This time, no way will I let fear and it's poisonous tentacles into my heart or thought processes regarding addiction anymore. If I don't go this weekend for the Naltrexone Implant, it will surely be the next...if I let it get too long I may fuck up and my addiction demon will change my mind.
My support network is gaining momentum and financial help offers come in. I have had faith that the money would come from somewhere, and it is. My mum looked shocked when I told her last night the procedure was all but paid for. She had said no way to paying for my implant as she doesn't believe I will be drug free. I said at least donate something to the center giving me the Implant that will save my life, and hopefully the life of my younger and very alcoholic brother when I urge him to seek treatment. She blindly and predictably said 'Why Should I, it's MY MONEY'.
That statement always makes me sad, money is so damn evil it is immoral. I don't care to hold onto money as my Creator has ALWAYS provided for me. I'm not religious but I have faith. I share my belongings with everyone, I always give them away, not selling, simply giving. I get a lot in return for selflessness, it works...
Well I'm gonna shower and visit the pharmacy for Suboxone. I just swallowed a Lexapro tab, sipped my last sip of tea, and sat up straight! My back is lightly aching, I have the yawns, yet my brain feels ALIVE, and my current temperament is happy!
Love and Light
Pisceus
The realization of the implications of jumping from 11 mg's to 0mg's of bupe, then straight onto Naltrexone Implant, for a speedier withdrawal is dawning on me. Man it's gone fucken hurt and I am comprehending it, remembering the days of yore when I felt withdrawal pains every day. I haven't felt hard withdrawal since I went on Suboxone and I am slowly remembering the nights of agony and insomnia and wishing to die. This time, no way will I let fear and it's poisonous tentacles into my heart or thought processes regarding addiction anymore. If I don't go this weekend for the Naltrexone Implant, it will surely be the next...if I let it get too long I may fuck up and my addiction demon will change my mind.
My support network is gaining momentum and financial help offers come in. I have had faith that the money would come from somewhere, and it is. My mum looked shocked when I told her last night the procedure was all but paid for. She had said no way to paying for my implant as she doesn't believe I will be drug free. I said at least donate something to the center giving me the Implant that will save my life, and hopefully the life of my younger and very alcoholic brother when I urge him to seek treatment. She blindly and predictably said 'Why Should I, it's MY MONEY'.
That statement always makes me sad, money is so damn evil it is immoral. I don't care to hold onto money as my Creator has ALWAYS provided for me. I'm not religious but I have faith. I share my belongings with everyone, I always give them away, not selling, simply giving. I get a lot in return for selflessness, it works...
Well I'm gonna shower and visit the pharmacy for Suboxone. I just swallowed a Lexapro tab, sipped my last sip of tea, and sat up straight! My back is lightly aching, I have the yawns, yet my brain feels ALIVE, and my current temperament is happy!
Love and Light
Pisceus
THIS SATURDAY, God Providing!
I just received the second phone call from Dr. George O'Neil. I may be getting the implant in place THIS Saturday or next, all pending a plane flight to Perth, keeping an open date for a flight home!!!
He said that if I showed up to Perth on Saturday with NO money, he would still put in place a 'triple' Naltrexone Implant, and offer me accommodation in the residential short term facility for the 3-5 days required afterwards, to recover before my flight back to Melbourne because he has promised to do so. This promise is made to ALL junkies who approach Dr O'Neil for treatment. I would be billed $6000 but what I CAN pay is what I pay. He understands that most junkies are desperate and have no money or have family who won't cover the cost due to being burned by said junkie. People this man is funding this himself, is taking out massive loans of $700,000 on personal property. Some funding comes from State Govt level but as the Naltrexone Implant is not TGA approved, it is still 'experimental' and available via the Special Access Scheme. I aim to donate to this cause for the rest of my life, helping others lessen their financial burden of an Implant.
I hope to arrive at the clinic, dope sick as required, with at least $3000 for the treatment as I will pay for this implant, even if it means paying it off afterwards. I WILL pay for my own treatment eventually and GOD is going to provide it for me, I am meant to go through this and the money to pay for it is meant to come from somewhere, and in my life, things always seem to work out financially.
It is a miracle. The fact is tomorrow may be my last dose of Suboxone ever, ever! The thought of that causes immediate physical withdrawal reactions and also a deep excitement that I will be feeling human again some day in the foreseeable future. Even though I am about to face my demon head on with a vengeance, the thought almost intoxicates me, yet frightens the fuck out of me, as it has all happened so fast. Am I prepared so soon considering I was originally going to wait 8 or so weeks yet? But knowing myself, I know I should just jump in and go for it, and I will because I am so sick of this bollocks called life with Suboxone. She has helped, now it is time to leave her as we 'don't get along' anymore, so to speak!
Until tomorrow,
Love and Light.
If you read this blog and are still addicted I urge you, when you have the means to, to travel to Perth and seek Dr O'Neil for treatment. No-one else is as dedicated personally to this cause and he WILL NOT refuse you a Naltrexone Implant and treatment. Pay what you can for this life saving service.
He said that if I showed up to Perth on Saturday with NO money, he would still put in place a 'triple' Naltrexone Implant, and offer me accommodation in the residential short term facility for the 3-5 days required afterwards, to recover before my flight back to Melbourne because he has promised to do so. This promise is made to ALL junkies who approach Dr O'Neil for treatment. I would be billed $6000 but what I CAN pay is what I pay. He understands that most junkies are desperate and have no money or have family who won't cover the cost due to being burned by said junkie. People this man is funding this himself, is taking out massive loans of $700,000 on personal property. Some funding comes from State Govt level but as the Naltrexone Implant is not TGA approved, it is still 'experimental' and available via the Special Access Scheme. I aim to donate to this cause for the rest of my life, helping others lessen their financial burden of an Implant.
I hope to arrive at the clinic, dope sick as required, with at least $3000 for the treatment as I will pay for this implant, even if it means paying it off afterwards. I WILL pay for my own treatment eventually and GOD is going to provide it for me, I am meant to go through this and the money to pay for it is meant to come from somewhere, and in my life, things always seem to work out financially.
It is a miracle. The fact is tomorrow may be my last dose of Suboxone ever, ever! The thought of that causes immediate physical withdrawal reactions and also a deep excitement that I will be feeling human again some day in the foreseeable future. Even though I am about to face my demon head on with a vengeance, the thought almost intoxicates me, yet frightens the fuck out of me, as it has all happened so fast. Am I prepared so soon considering I was originally going to wait 8 or so weeks yet? But knowing myself, I know I should just jump in and go for it, and I will because I am so sick of this bollocks called life with Suboxone. She has helped, now it is time to leave her as we 'don't get along' anymore, so to speak!
Until tomorrow,
Love and Light.
If you read this blog and are still addicted I urge you, when you have the means to, to travel to Perth and seek Dr O'Neil for treatment. No-one else is as dedicated personally to this cause and he WILL NOT refuse you a Naltrexone Implant and treatment. Pay what you can for this life saving service.
Monday, February 9, 2009
A Trip To Perth! It Is Happening...
This morning I sent an email to Dr. George O'Neil of the Fresh Start clinic in Perth, Australia. He is the inventor of the Naltrexone Implant and I have chosen Dr O'Neil to personally put the implant in place and do my detox in Perth, a kind of extended and painful vacation!
Anyway Dr O'Neil responded to my voicemail while I was on a call to guaruantee some financial backing for treatment. My friend called then ten minutes later Dr O'Neil, I heard the call waiting during the call but thought it was an sms. Things are really looking up for me and I believed financial help would arrive from somewhere, and I have two people offering to sponsor my treatment.
Dr O'Neil said he can treat me and I only have to be off of Suboxone for 2 days, and he simply asked of me that I try to pay half of the cost. He will treat someone for free if they present at the clinic. I estimate 3-5 thousand dollars for my treatment IF I choose to stay for awhile in the residential facility in Perth to recover before travelling home. A small price to pay on my life. I will pay these people back.
I would very much love to see Perth itself, Perth looks beautiful. It is on the opposite side of Australia and a 3-5 hour flight, depending on which way one is travelling east or west.
So I await his call in return to discuss how and WHEN! It could be much sooner than expected!
Love and Light
Anyway Dr O'Neil responded to my voicemail while I was on a call to guaruantee some financial backing for treatment. My friend called then ten minutes later Dr O'Neil, I heard the call waiting during the call but thought it was an sms. Things are really looking up for me and I believed financial help would arrive from somewhere, and I have two people offering to sponsor my treatment.
Dr O'Neil said he can treat me and I only have to be off of Suboxone for 2 days, and he simply asked of me that I try to pay half of the cost. He will treat someone for free if they present at the clinic. I estimate 3-5 thousand dollars for my treatment IF I choose to stay for awhile in the residential facility in Perth to recover before travelling home. A small price to pay on my life. I will pay these people back.
I would very much love to see Perth itself, Perth looks beautiful. It is on the opposite side of Australia and a 3-5 hour flight, depending on which way one is travelling east or west.
So I await his call in return to discuss how and WHEN! It could be much sooner than expected!
Love and Light
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